


Public Terms of Endearment

by misura



Category: Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip
Genre: Characters Reading Fanfiction, Gen, Shipping, Slash Goggles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-17
Updated: 2015-03-17
Packaged: 2018-03-18 08:21:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3562805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misura/pseuds/misura
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"In what universe," Simon asked, "does 'cute as a button' translate to 'I'd hit that'? Seriously."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Public Terms of Endearment

"In what universe," Simon asked, "does 'cute as a button' translate to 'I'd hit that'? Seriously."

"One with severely messed up grammar?" Harriet suggested, not helpful as usual. Simon suspected she was either doing it on purpose or still suffering from the after-effects of that whole thing where she and Matt had seemed determined not to get together and instead just wallow in misery all the time.

Jeannie snorted. "Checking out the fanporn again?"

"It's not porn. In fact, some of it is quite well-written," Simon said. There'd been an almost-sweet Tom/Lucy piece last week, perfectly clean and so G-rated he might have allowed his younger niece to read, assuming he'd have had one.

"You mean some of it is about you, and flattering." Harriet grinned.

Matt was kind of a celebrity in his own right, but it wasn't as if he was on TV every week or anything, so if Harriet featured in a story at all, she usually got hooked up with either Tom or Simon.

She seemed to think that was kind of funny, which just went to prove ... something or another about Harriet Hayes's fabled sense of humor.

"Some of it is about me, yes," Simon allowed. "And they even get some of the details right."

"Makes you wonder, doesn't it?" Jeannie said, to nobody in particular. Simon didn't miss the way Dylan fidgeted just a bit, though; Jeannie might have _read_ all the hot, dirty and just plain wrong stuff that was out there, but Simon suspected Dylan might have actually _written_ some of it.

Or possibly not.

"Well, but you made that button comment in an interview, right?" Harriet asked.

"Several times," Tom said. He too appeared more amused than disturbed, although in his case, Simon knew it was just because Tom was a simple soul at heart. Probably hadn't thought it through at all, just feeling happy he'd gotten mentioned in the same line as Simon.

Simon nodded. "Yes, I did make that comment in an interview. Several times. I mean, it's true."

"And now you're complaining because ... ?"

"I'm not gay, all right?" Simon said. "And even if I was - "

" - I wouldn't be your type?" Tom said.

" - you'd still be too much of a womanizer - sorry, manizer? Is that a word?" Jeannie frowned.

"I prefer the term 'ladies' man'. And I'm not."

"Not what?" Tom asked. "Gay or a womanizer?"

"Either," Simon said. "Can we move on to a different subject? Pretty please?"

Tom raised his hands. "Hey, you started it."

"And now I'm ending it."

"Just when things were getting interesting?" Jeannie grinned. "Come on, boys, don't be shy."

Harriet rolled her eyes, which Simon felt was a perfectly valid and reasonable reaction until she said, "Yeah, Simon, come on. You said it, you thought it, and now you're too chicken to actually talk about it? That's not like you."

"Just picture him in a dress," Jeannie said.

"I don't need to picture that - I _saw_ that." Two weeks ago. It hadn't been particularly cute or anything; it wasn't as if Simon had felt something 'stir within him' or some nonsense like that.

It had simply been Tom, wearing a piece of women's clothing. Doing a pretty funny sketch.

"For the record, if you were a woman, I'd probably think you were hot," Tom said. "Assuming you had, you know - " an obscure gesture that Simon presumed to mean 'breasts' " - stuff. And everything."

"Thank you, Tommy. That's really helping this conversation along."

Tom shrugged. "Actually, I only said it so you could, you know, reciprocate. Without things getting all weird between us after."

"How thoughtful of you," Simon said. "And by 'thoughtful', I mean 'idiotic'."

"Hey!" Harriet snapped.

" 'Cute as a button'," Simon repeated. "That's what I said, and that's what I'll stand by until the day I die. Nothing more, nothing less."

"You don't want to kiss a trail of kisses down my chest?" Tom asked. "Well, that's disappointing."

"I'm fine with the kisses; it's the part where I suck on your nipples that I've got a problem with."

"Ooh," Jeannie said, fanning herself. "Getting a bit hot in here, isn't it?"

"Okay, I'm not fine with the kisses, either," Simon admitted. "I was just, you know, looking for a bit of sympathy. Some righteous indignation, maybe."

"Because someone wrote some pretty good porn about you and Tom?"

"Porn?" Harriet echoed. "I thought this was about the manip of them kissing."

Simon considered walking out of the room. It wouldn't stop them from talking about this some more, but at least he wouldn't need to be around to hear it. Tom'd be fine, probably - and anyway, Tom was a big boy. He didn't need Simon looking out for him, except for the part where yeah, he really did.

"You saw a manip of me and Tom kissing?"

Harriet looked a little confused. "Well, I didn't assume it was real." A beat. "Was it?"

"No." Simon grimaced. "Of course not."

"Methinks the lad doeth protest too much," Jeannie said.

"Methinks the _lady_ doeth not protest enough," Simon said. "By which I mean Harry."

Harriet flushed a little, which was good, except that then she lifted her chin in that gesture that didn't mean she was going to give in and keep quiet now, which was not so good.

"I happen to think the two of you would be cute together, as well as probably good for each other."

"And I happen to think you're batty." Simon raised his hands. "All due respect and everything, but me and Tommy? No. Just ... no. No way, no how."

"Right." Tom got up. "And on that note, please excuse me while I go drown my sorrow."

Simon considered staying for about one second - sure, there'd be a bit of teasing if he left now, but overall, he was pretty sure getting out _now_ would be worlds better than getting out later.

"Please excuse _me_ while I go keep an eye on him."

Jeannie mouthed the words 'so cute' at Harriet, who grinned and nodded. Simon decided discretion was the better part of valor and followed Tom.


End file.
